6 Good Advice Of a Great Relationship Between Mother & Daughter

1. A Changing Relationship

Common problems between mothers and daughters include different expectations and disagreements about their roles. The mother-daughter relationship can have extra conflict because they care deeply about each other and have been close for most of their lives. The relationship changes as both people grow older.

For young daughters and their mothers, it's often about becoming more independent and needing less of their mother's involvement. Mother and daughter need to find a new balance, where the daughter lives her own life more, and the mother may need to accept less frequent contact. Later on, life settles down, and for a while the relationship becomes more equal. Then new challenges can happen again when the mother gets older and might need more help from her daughter.

2. Thinking About Being a Mother

Does our relationship with our mother change when we become mothers ourselves?

It often makes us think deeply about things. When you become a mother yourself, you suddenly have to figure out how to do the job. You might start wondering about how your own parents acted when you were growing up, and ask questions like: "Why did we yell so much at home? I would never yell at my children like that." You might get upset with your mother about something you never thought about before. But the mother might also bring it up herself: "It's wonderful to see how you are with your children. We were too busy when you were a child."

If you approach these differences with curiosity and openness, without being judgmental or blaming anyone, it can lead to really good conversations.

3. Different Times, Different Views

What role does the time period we grew up in play in understanding between mother and daughter?

The values we grew up with can clash and cause conflicts between mother and daughter later in life.

In the 1970s, when people focused on freedom and independence, parents may not have thought much about how their desire for liberation affected their children. It can be really confusing for a child to grow up with parents who are experimenting with different ways of living together, and as an adult, you might need to work through those feelings. For the generation that is now middle-aged and their daughters, today's changed understanding of gender identity might seem strange and create conflict and confusion. It can feel challenging when the younger generation does something new that you don't understand.

4. Changing Expectations

Does the role of mother ever end?

No, it doesn't! But it might be necessary to rethink what you expect from each other.

In a healthy relationship, we continue to see our mother as a mother, and that's exactly how it should be. But if, for example, the daughter expects the mother to always be available, or the mother expects the daughter to call three times a week, the relationship might benefit from becoming more equal. You can agree that it's not one person's job to take care of the other, but that you'll both basically take care of yourselves and help each other out when you can.

5. Asking About the Past

Is it important to be brave enough to ask confusing questions about the past?

Basically, in close relationships, you should always feel free to bring up what's bothering you. If the relationship is difficult, it can be hard, and you might benefit from getting help to talk about it.

If you have a good relationship, it should be safe to ask, for example: "I've thought a lot about when you were unfaithful to dad. What really happened?" It can mean a lot for the daughter to get answers about the past, because it helps her understand it: Was what seemed safe back then actually safe, or is there something about it that doesn't make sense? It's helpful for us to get clarity.

6. The Difficult Conversation

How do you handle a difficult conversation in a good way?

You can start by thinking ahead about what exactly you want to know and what it would mean in your life to get an answer.

When you start the conversation, it's good to begin by talking about yourself and say something like: "Mom, I've been thinking a lot about this. Would you mind if we talked about it?" It's important that you give your mother a chance to decide if she feels comfortable talking about it. In a way, you're asking permission to explore something that belongs to her.

If your mother is open to it, you can take the next step and say: "What I've wondered about most is..." and then explain what you want to know. You don't have to be overly careful and afraid to ask, but you should ask with respect for the other person and not judge them. The same applies if the mother is the one who's curious.

The conclusion to the above isn't so much about your role or your mums role, but a harmony that you both have a relationship that not everyone has. A relationship that you must cherish and a relationship that you much not take advantage of